Fighting Nazis Part 1: Infiltration
As you no doubt know, the natural enemy of the gentleman is of course the Nazi. Gentlemen and Nazis have been locked in armed conflict ever since Nazis came into being, but luckily for us, gentlemen have been winning the battle.
The main weapon that we have against Nazis is that it’s very easy to infiltrate their ranks, all you need to do is knock a Nazi unconscious and steal his uniform (make sure you measure the Nazi up first, you want a uniform that fits). This method is flawless and has never not worked in the battle against Nazis.
The problem that usually foils the undercover gentleman is his inability to speak German. This isn’t a problem if you can keep your mouth shut. However if you can’t then unfortunately there are many situations where “Gott im Himmel”, “Gesundheit” or “Neunundneunzig luftballons”
will only get you so far.
At any one point in time at least one tenth of the German army was made up of gentlemen who had infiltrated the ranks by stealing uniforms. It even got to the point when the German army would take a break at 11 o’clock for tea.
There are a few ways that Nazis have learnt to weed out the gentlemen who have infiltrated their ranks. The first test is to speak to possible suspects in the Queen’s English and see if the gentlemen accidentally reply in kind with perfect diction and manners. Luckily there is a fool proof method to counteract this, simply shoot the Nazi.
The other problem that gives gentlemen in disguise away is that they tend to have the most immaculately maintained and well fitted Nazi uniforms, much more so than the actual Nazis. This is because no matter how much a gentleman tries to emulate the Nazi scum, he cannot give up his love of sartorial splendour. Therefore Brando (above) had to high tail it after the other Nazis saw his freshly laundered uniform.
Now that you gentlemen know these tips on how to infiltrate the Nazis and evade capture, you can continue defending the world from fascism, prejudice and an unhealthy devotion to finding religious relics.
So there you have it.