A gentleman’s adventure
Hello there,
Salutations from Castle Brixley where I have once again returned, triumphantly I might add. I must apologise for the disruption in correspondence, but when one is on an adventure, one finds it hard to correspond (especially when the Tsar of Bulgaria has your typewriter confiscated). There are few things in life better than a good adventure and there are no adventures better than a gentleman’s adventure (it’s like a normal adventure but there is more whiskey, cigars and appearances by Sean Connery).
When going on an adventure remember to bring along Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn in case your boat breaks down.
The grand thing about a gentleman’s adventure is that it’s as unpredictable as a Japanese assistant named Kato. Whether you’re prepared or not, adventure can come knocking on your door – sometimes with a pamphlet, sometimes with a parcel but more commonly with a treasure map, a fez hat and an aeroplane ticket to Budapest.
Michael Caine and Sean Connery receive their next adventure. Here their lawyer is going over the fine print.
I have been on more gentleman’s adventures than you can shake a stick at and I have noticed that there are certain circumstances that tend to crop up wherever you might find yourself. The main offender is quicksand. Wherever you go you’re bound to get stuck in some quicksand. The thing to remember with quicksand is that struggling makes you sink faster and since you’re only going to be rescued at the last minute you may as well struggle away to speed up the whole process.
David Niven employs a rigorous backstroke to speed up the sinking process while his car comes to the rescue.
Following a dip in the sand you will probably find yourself staring down the rungs of a rickety jungle bridge. Typically found in between you and your destination, the rickety jungle bridge will either break voluntarily or need to be broken in circumstances where you need to outrun your nemesis.
Harrison Ford conducts a safety demonstration on this rickety jungle bridge.
This brings me to my next point – your nemesis. It wouldn’t be a gentleman’s adventure without an antagonist and the best antagonist is your arch nemesis. My suggestion would be to save a duel with your nemesis for later in your adventure as it can be quite exhausting and leave you wanting to sail the Mediterranean for a few months to recuperate on vintage champagne and sunshine.
Roger Moore accidentally bumped into his arch nemesis at the start of his adventure. They pretended not to see each other and continued about their business.
Whether your next gentleman’s adventure takes you to the four corners of the earth by hot-air balloon or just to your local 15th Century library where you will have to battle and ancient order of religious fanatics, remember to enjoy each and every minute.
Abraham Lincoln, William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy enjoy the adventure while they can.
So there you have it.
G.O. Brixley
Reblogged this on Autobiography of a Cad.