The gentleman’s picnic

Hello there,

There are many common misconceptions about picnicking and we here at The Gentleman thought it was as good a time as any to once and for all set the record straight.  As you well know it is now spring in the southern hemisphere, and if you haven’t headed south of the equator yet you are missing out on the prime season for picnicking.  There are only 6 months of spring each year (if you migrate) and so you should capitalise on this short period of picnic weather while it is still here.

Cary Grant and Grace Kelly missed their opportunity to picnic in spring and have to opt for a blue screen projection of spring instead.

One of the main misconceptions about a picnic is that you need a picnic rug, this is hogwash.  As you can see from the picture above, you can picnic in most forms of transport as long as they are open air.  As long as you’re outdoors and have an alcoholic beverage on hand you’re within your right to claim it be a picnic.

Sam informs a mortified Humphrey Bogart that since he is not outside, he is technically not having a picnic.

The other myth is that a picnic has to happen on land.  As long as you are within 20 furlongs of land (and not in salt water) you can classify yourself as being ‘on a picnic’.

Sean Connery demonstrates how to picnic on water whilst fishing for Dom Perignon .

This brings me to my next point, as this is a sequentially written article.  There are 4 items that must be present at any picnic to make you secure in the knowledge that you are in fact on a picnic.  These items are not concrete but all of them have an alcohol percentage of between 4-60%.

Don Draper makes sure he is definitely on a picnic by placing himself as close as he can to the magic beer chilling crate.

There are of course other parameters for having a picnic, one of which is the time of day.  You cannot have a picnic at night, however you can have a picnic that starts during the day and due to unforeseen merriment crosses over to the night.  The one thing to avoid is sleeping the night at the picnic as you have now crossed the border into what is considered ‘camping’.

Shatner, Kelley and Nemoy tread a fine line between picnicking and camping.

Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin pushed the boundaries of what is considered a picnic.  While most people stick to simple picnic games like badminton and the like, Sinatra and Martin would play golf.

Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin enjoying a picnic of 18 holes.

It is also not unheard of to have themed picnics.  This of course does not change the definition of a picnic as long as you are outdoors and a have drink in your hand.

Michael Caine at a themed picnic. Here he is seen grabbing an orange for the Old Fashioned he just mixed while receiving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

The main thing when at a picnic is to not worry about whether your poor excuse for having a glass of champagne outside, during the day, is classified as a picnic, but more to enjoy yourself.  Also remember to always clean up after yourself.

Ernst Hemingway would get rid of his picnic beer cans by kicking them into outer space.

So there you have it, and since it is the season, go forth and picnic.

G.O. Brixley