The Gentleman’s reply: Volume 1
As you well know (or if you didn’t you’re about to) we here at The Gentleman asked you, the reader, to submit questions to our good selves so that we may instil some of our knowledge and experience upon you.
Cornelius Worthington III writes “if you could bring one thing back from extinction, which would it be – the dodo or respect for the British Aristocracy?“. A poignant question Cornelius and thank you for your correspondence. We felt that in order to answer this question completely we would have to categorise the answer in terms of one animal to bring back, one ideal to bring back and one person to bring back.
Firstly the animal. We mulled this question over and over during a lengthy game of baccarat and few bottles of Islay’s finest. We wrote the answer down on a napkin but unfortunately the next day found it to be illegible. However in the light of morning we can safely say that the animal we would bring back from extinction would be the vicious giant squid.
Now we aren’t just talking about the lazy giant squids of today, we mean the kraken type of squid from yesteryear that could take one of her majesty’s ships before breakfast, and then consume it for breakfast. How can gentlemen of today prove their inherent dominance over the ocean if there aren’t any bloodthirsty squids left to battle, cut open, and take the gold from their belly? The day the last bloodthirsty squid was killed the stocks in our harpoon emporium dropped five fold.
Secondly the ideal that we would resurrect would have to be that of gentlemanly exploration. We don’t mean “exploring yourself” or going on holiday to the Bahamas (having said that there is nothing wrong with a sojourn to the Bahamas). We mean the final frontier, the sort of exploring that evokes the names Livingston, Scott or Kirk. Unfortunately thanks to this ‘google’ thing we keep hearing about, most of the world seems to have been charted, therefore we must look towards the stars. Failing that, another expedition to either the poles or the Amazon basin.
Thirdly the person that we would bring back from extinction would have to be Doctor Victor Frankenstein. This is simply because once Frankenstein was alive he could then reanimate all the other gentlemen who have passed on. Although Frankenstein’s original story was a tragedy, I’m sure with our help history would not repeat itself. Besides, a reanimated Cary Grant would be much less vengeful than Boris Karloff.
Until next time.