The gentleman’s locomotive
Some people may tell you that a gentleman never takes public transport. This is grossly untrue, and the person saying this may be suffering the cognitive effects of syphilis. You may want to direct them to their GP. A much more likely explanation, though, is that they have not read this article. Which makes sense, because it has only just been published. Today’s article concerns the grandest means of all transportation, the locomotive.
A gentleman prefers no other form of transportation to the locomotive. The scenery, convenience, dining car, colourful characters and ample supply of Scotch at the bar means that a gentleman spends many hours of his life on the railway.
A gentleman spends the majority of his time in the dining carriage, getting himself a drink and lighting up a cigar.
Riding the train, though, can sometimes be accompanied by long waits for connections at stations. This is why the first thing you pack should be your travel humidor, a few litres of Scotch and some good paperbacks. We suggest reading The Great Railway Bizarre by Paul Theroux to get you in the mood.
But once the train arrives, it is quite literally full-steam ahead.
Once you’re on the train, you may decide to have a scotch or a smoke or take gentlemanly nap.
One must also keep in mind that locomotives are a prime place for murders to take place. That is why trains are often equipped with Holmes or Poirot.
Keep in mind that if you are traveling internationally, some countries have limits on importing tobacco and alcohol. This means you should try and consume as much of your Scotch and cigars before your journey ends.
So when you are faced with the decision of how to make your way between continents, countries, cities or just suburbs, a gentleman cannot go past the locomotive.
Until next time,