The astronautical gentleman
If the gentleman hates anything more than Nazis, it’s Communists. In fact, the only thing gentlemen hate more than Communists is Nazis. And the only thing gentlemen hate more than Nazis is Matthew McConaughey. In fact, there is good evidence that Matthew McConaughey is both a Nazi and a Communist. Typical.
Many great gentlemen have spent their lives fighting both Nazis and Communists. Think of Winston Churchill, JFK and Sean Connery. A major victory for the gentlemen over Communism was achieved in winning the ‘space race’. The space race was a race to space, also known as the Moon. JFK set the race in motion on May 25, 1960 when he said he was going to fly himself the Moon in a ship he had fashioned out of old penny loafers. Upon advice, he decided it would be better to send someone more qualified and less sexually-active than himself and in a shuttle built by experts.
His intention to send a gentleman into space spawned a whole new class of gentleman: the space-going gentleman. Certainly the grandest of them all is Alan Shepard, who was the first man to golf on the moon.
Not far behind Alan Shepard is Neil Armstrong, whose pioneering spirit and immense bravery are only slightly behind ‘playing golf wherever and whenever you can’ on the gentleman’s hierarchy of values.
There have been 12 men who have walked on the moon, but also many whose Communist-fighting efforts never quite landed them there. Jim Lovell, Michael Collins and Tom Hanks are just a few of those who got close but never made it. Some people will tell you Apollo 13 was just a film directed by Ron Howard. We call those people crazy conspiracy theorists.
Even an Australian gentleman has made it into space to duel Communists. That man is Andy Thomas. He was the first to show that a gentleman can smoke a cigar in a vacuum.
There were also many other gentlemen involved in putting a gentleman on the Moon and busting Communists in the process. Again, Australian gentlemen played a major role at the Parkes Observatory.
There are two important messages to get from this. They are that Communists should be beaten at all races (and contests in general) they partake in, and also that some of the finest gentlemen are those who have taken gentlemanly activities such as golfing, smoking and gathering Moon rocks to other worlds.
Until next time,