A gentleman and his moustache

Hello there,

It has come to my attention that some people think that moustaches are just for “Movember”.  Just like the idea that “puppies are only for Christmas” I can tell you that this idea is categorically wrong.  I should know because I categorised it myself.

Gentlemen should aspire to be more like Clarke Gable if only for his immaculately groomed moustache (and if not for it, for everything else about this picture)

A gentleman and his moustache may have a love/hate relationship but growing a moustache (or indeed any facial hair for that matter) for one month a year is more hate than love.  Therefore the ratio needs to be corrected.

Groucho Marx had a grease moustache for years. In his Autumn years he grew a real moustache to satiate his desires. Here he has been upgraded to first-class due to his facial hair.

The simplest way to grow a moustache is to firstly stick a picture of your desired moustache next to your bathroom mirror, this informs your top lip that there is work to be done.  Next, stop shaving your top lip.  The final step is to groom to get the desired look.  It’s that simple (in fact, it’s even simpler).

Frank Sinatra even used to treat his top lip to a moustache once in a while and so should you.

Most of the greatest gentlemen in history, although not known for sporting the moustache, did dabble in it from occasion to occasion.  Unfortunately for many other gentlemen in the film industry, contracts and the like squashed their inherent lust for a hairy top lip.

Kirk Douglas has moustache envy and has recruited Brigitte Bardot to help him out.

If only there were more parts in Hollywood scripts for moustached gentlemen.  Unfortunately for other A-listers Errol Flynn and Clarke Gable had cornered that niche market.

Fred Astaire and Audrey Hepburn audition for "Gone With The Wind". They both didn't get the part because their moustaches were in fact fake.

This sad set of events doesn’t stop you though, so what is your excuse for not spontaneously growing gentlemanly facial hair?  The answer usually has to do with women, which I can tell you now is an old wives tale.  Gentle ladies are quite partial to the well groomed moustache, just ask any gentleman who has ever styled his moustache for recreational purposes and he’ll tell you.

Sean Connery doesn't need Brigitte Bardot's hair to fake a moustache, he grew one whenever he felt like it (within 4 hours generally). Although he does need Brigitte Bardot to model for him (pity she doesn't know where the camera is)

The moustache doesn’t just make you more appealing to the lady you are courting, it also makes you look smarter and more worldly.

Just look how much more intelligent and worldly David Bowie seems. All he needed was a simple moustache and some state-of-the-art technology (notice his "thinker" pose)

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley