A gentleman knows his way around a kitchen
It has occurred to me whilst perusing the current television listings that there is a strong push for people to be able to do all manner of things in the kitchen. This is both unnecessary and time-consuming since no one should actually know how to etouffe a meal or know when to use veloute. However this does not mean a gentleman shouldn’t know his way around a kitchen.
Like all other animals, gentlemen must also eat and therefore must known how to cook (preferably one of the aforementioned animals). However he shouldn’t have to know French in order to say the dish he is creating (nor should anyone need to know French for that matter).
The main utensils that a gentleman will use will be a pan and a flame in which to put the pan on. Once this has been accomplished any number of things may go in the pan, ranging from bacon to lamb via beef.
Once this is cooked lightly a gentleman can put the contents of the pan on a plate and voila, he has just cooked a meal. Once this base level of culinary expertise has been perfected, a gentleman may enter the next level.
This level includes pasta dishes, curries, stir-fries and stews. They are all just variations on a theme whereby you cook the meat as per level one, then add something else to make it look fancy (sauce, rice, pasta and other non meat products).
Don’t worry about spoiling the non-meat foodstuffs in your meal since they are most likely rubbish anyway.
After the meal is created, simply pour yourself a healthy Scotch and consume. So remember, you don’t need to be a foul-mouthed Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen, just a plain old gentleman. Being a masterchef doesn’t always impress the fairer sex.
So there you have it.