The gentleman’s typewriter

Hello my friends,

It would be easy to assume that we here at The Gentleman are extremely tech savvy. You can probably imagine myself and Brixley with thick rimmed glasses, hunched over our laptops, cigarette dangling out of our mouth in a well-starched collar while designing our website of working on a new article. In fact, what you are imaging is Michael Caine.

This is what Michael Caine looks like when hunched over his computer (as seen from the screen)

We here at The Gentleman are more inclined to go about things via the traditional route. The traditional route has many advantages that you don’t find on the contemporary route. I shan’t go into the details of them here, but you may assume I could draw many similes between the abstract concept of ‘route’ I have used here with the more literal sense.

The landmark of the traditional route that I shall explain here is none other than the typewriter. If you don’t have a typewriter, I suggest you inquire at your local gentleman’s store about purchasing one, post haste!

Ernest Hemingway could have used state of the art computers to scribe his novels, but he chose the traditional option of the humble typewriter.

Now you may find this slightly confusing. After all, we distribute our weblog electronically via what is known as the ‘world wide web’. This means that, basically, I could ‘upload’ this article and someone all the way in another suburb could access it immediately. These are the glories of the internet. But I’m no computer scientist. All I ever learned to use was the typewriter, so I employed a secretary to copy the articles and put them on the internet for me.

Some models re-enact me giving my secretary the latest article.

The typewriter has a number of advantages over the computer. For one, there is no annoying ‘backspace’ button. This means that all your errors are preserved in eternity on the page. This may seem like a drawback, but it is in fact an advantage. It says to your correspondent that you are a real person and not some sort of artificially-intelligent android. (Apparently, there are androids on computers masquerading as Nigerian princes and stealing people’s money. Those bastards.)

Gregory Peck proves he's human by smoking a cigarette, typing on a typewriter and eating walnuts (the three greatest enemies of the robot).

Many gentlemen insist on having a typewriter with them at all time. For a gentleman, the typewriter is easily transported. This is due to his superhuman strength (among other factors).

William Faulkner pens his new work by the pool. When carrying his typewriter, he could only manage to also carry either his shirt or his pipe. He chose wisely.

Or you can simply enjoy writing in your study.

William Faulkner again, writing at home (where his shirt is).

Remember that if you have decided on making the switch from a computer to typewriter, you may need to practice. There are several subtleties to using a typewriter that you may have not considered. There are many typewriting courses available to the budding gentleman.

Jerry Lewis teaching a 'not how to use a typewriter' class.

So when you are considering how to pen your next great work, I suggest you opt for the typewriter.

Alfred Hitchcock either working on a new film or compiling a list of his liquor.

Until next time,

HL Griffith

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