From The Gentleman’s Vault VI

Hello,

It’s that time of the lunar cycle again when The Gentleman delves into its deep backlog of articles to find three that are particularly poignant to the current world situation. We suggest you read each one with fervour. Otherwise Brixley and I will be forced to challenge you to a duel. Except it will be you against both of us, making it a tri-ul. Should you lose, you will be branded (literally) a Gentleman Impostor.

Learn some of the tell tale signs of a gentleman impostor here

It has been determined, using state of the art technology too complex to explain here, that Sinatra never once swore.

“A faux gentleman may avoid the first, most obvious indicators that he does not have what it takes, but after a scotch or two, the true gentleman remains composed. The faux gentleman will invariably let some less than acceptable language escape and will probably start talking about football or a girl he “boned”. Very ungentlemanly indeed.”

 

 

 

 

Having passed your first test of successfully reading and learning about the gentleman imposter, you should now reward yourself with a cup of tea.

Tea is a wonderful drink, and it can be enjoyed on any occasion. I personally like bringing a thermos to the local cricket games. This has become even more important now that you’re not allowed to bring glass bottles in (especially ones filled with Scotch). So I suggest that you read up on the history of tea and tea etiquette here.

Marlon Brando would sometimes add a dash of tea to his morning cup of Irish whiskey.

“Gentlemen, of course, are a bullion of knowledge about proper tea etiquette. This makes them, quite literally, worth their weight in gold. (The average 80kg gentleman at the current gold price – A$1396.10 per ounce – would be worth about four million Australian dollars. A bargain in anyone’s language; especially English). Why not ask your local gentleman for more information?”

 

 

 

 

Now that you have enjoyed a cup or two of tea, I can only assume that you are now quite drunk. If not, you’re not adding enough whiskey/whisky to your tea. Please pour yourself another glass and try again.

This brings us to a very important point. Remember that time you were at the Reform Club enjoying a drink and a game of whist when you saw that other gentleman getting a little loud in the corner? Well that was because he’d had too much to drink (or someone had turned  his hearing aid down, the bastards). So remember, when you’re enjoying a scotch or a martini, always keep your composure. Read how here.

Sean Connery counting the number of drinks he's had while he pours another.

“I have been known to enjoy an alcoholic beverage or 2 (or a multiple of 2) but a gentleman must always keep his composure.  Knowing ones limits is the gentleman’s game and when he has surpassed those limits he will excuse himself and head home.  It’s that simple.”

 

 

 

 

 

Until next time,

HL Griffith

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