Return of the gentleman impostor

Hello there,

I’m afraid we have entered a new period of darkness as the anti-gentleman has once again reared his ugly head from the abyss.  Let me recite my tale, I was on the streetcar the other day and noticed an advertisement at one of the allocated stops.  The advertisement in question made my blood boil and my skin crawl.  I am sorry readers but I must republish this advertisement so that you may know the full extent of my horror.  Behold.

This is the most incorrect thing I have seen in all my long years as a gentleman.

I will go through the parts of this advertisement that are incorrect.  Firstly (the lesser of crimes) is the name of the fragrance ‘the one gentleman’.  There is not one gentleman and this is not the only cologne he would wear if there was, in fact due to the rest of the advertisement this would be the last fragrance he would ever wear.  The second error in this advertisement (which should be a hangable offence) is to say that Matthew McConaughey is in any part a gentleman, let alone the ‘one gentleman’.

McConaughey in his natural attire. Everything in this picture is wrong even down to his broken tribal drum. If you want to make a game of it, spot all 147 offenses in this picture.

Matthew McConaughey is to gentleman as the anti-christ is to Cary Grant.  Some small points to back this up are that Matthew waxes his chest, never wears a collared shirt (it has been superimposed in the above advertisement), sports sleeveless t-shirts, has terrible diction, wears head scarfs and another 95 reasons that you can read in my open letter to Dolce & Gabbana “100 reasons that Matthew McConaughey isn’t a gentleman”.

The anti-gentleman in his element. Notice his horribly waxed chest, ungentlemanly sunglasses and boorish, slack-jawed expression.

The once reputable brand of Dolce & Gabbana has now been sullied for eternity due to their incomprehensible choice of celebrity endorsement.  I know you, as well as I, have been shocked by this egregious crime towards gentlemen and the above images are shocking and grotesque to say the least, so I will now leave you with images of actual gentleman so you can leave this post with your mind at rest.

Don Draper's expression when he views this advertisement. Notice his silent anger and clenched jaw not only for the affront to gentlemen everywhere but also from an advertising perspective.

Paul Newman had to walk off his anger and stand hapless in front of this private investigator's office tossing up whether to pursue the persons behind this offense.

Sean Connery took this advertisement especially badly. Here he just stared for hours wondering 'why?'... 'Why?!'

Tom Selleck. He's not happy.

As long as we gentlemen band together we will be able to fight back against this attack on our culture and couture.

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley