The gentleman’s library

Good day,

It occurs to me that while I sit at my mahogany desk desk surrounded by archaic tomes that many budding gentleman have been far too focused on expanding their scotch and cigar collections and not their literature collection. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with a boisterous cigar reserve or enough scotch to power my scotch-fueled car more than 1500 furlongs. It’s just that of the many collections a gentleman holds, they must all grow at comparably to one another.

It may look like this gentleman has many more books than scotch, but actually he just stores his scotch reserve on the top shelf behind dusty almanacks for safekeeping. He then smells the pages of the books (which have been doused in scotch) to make his choice.

First things first, you are going to need a place to store all your books. This is not to say a chipboard bookcase from IKEA will suffice – as this would make Sir Arthur Conan Doyle turn in his grave if he were dead. Which he is. I suggest investing your oil fortune in a large mahogany bookshelf.

JD Rockefeller's library. It may not seem that extravagant, but it took up a good portion of his oil fortune (which was valued at US$14, or modern day AU$1.3 trillion)

And if you don’t have an oil fortune, I suggest taking a lumberjacking course, chopping down some sort of mahogany tree, then taking a carpentry course and constructing the bookshelf yourself. And if you’ve come this far, you may as well take a writing course and write some classics yourself that you can put upon the shelf.

This gentleman needs to take the above advice and fashion himself another bookshelf.

Of course not everyone has the time to take two separate, intensive courses and build themselves furniture. In this case, I suggest joining your local library. Sure, the shelves aren’t mahogany and the employees are surly and won’t let you smoke or drink inside. But that’s what your local reform club is for!

This librarian has the audacity to 'shush' someone, and then proceeds to stamp extremely loudly. How ungentlemanly.

You may use your personal library to store many of the classic gentlemanly literature. This also includes literature pertaining to some famous gentleman.

This verbose poster of Sean Connery's new book gives you an idea of the complex concepts that he tackles within.

In fact, you may relax in your library while doing many other gentlemanly activities. Be they smoking a cigar, enjoying a drink or inventing golf.

This Scottish man enjoys relaxing in his library after inventing the game of golf.

And remember, in the case of a nuclear holocaust and you’re the last person left on earth, remember to bring a spare pair of spectacles.

This man didn't.

Until next time,

HL Griffith

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