A history of the gentleman’s Christmas

Hello again,

Today I will be writing a short piece on the history of Christmas. You have no doubt already read the overview of Christmas, Christmas music and the spirit of Christmas, but there is some important history behind gentleman and the festive season. So please read on.

In the early days, Christmas was celebrated by lying on a rug and surrounding yourself with weird looking women.

Christmas dates back literally dozens of years. It began on a quiet morning, in a town far away, by a man who died long before his time. He was a distinguished gentleman in every sense and was renowned for upholding gentlemanly morals at all times. That’s right, you know who I’m talking about.

JFK erects the first Christmas tree after he invented Christmas.

Of course, I’m referring to the modern reincarnation of Christmas in a festive sense, not a biblical one. This is Christmas as a celebration of family, togetherness and smooth Cuban tobacco. If you’d like to know the strict derivation of biblical Christmas, please refer to the birth of Hercules.

Franklin Roosevelt somehow pre-empts the invention of Christmas, which did not occur until about 15 years after his death.

So JFK is credited with being the founder of the holiday of Christmas. If anyone shows you a photo of people celebrating Christmas before circa 1960, treat this person with the utmost suspicion. If they profess their innocence, then it’s a sure sign that they’re lying. Do not hesitate in challenging them to a duel.

A gentleman enjoys the first ever Christmas. JFK stipulated that every man must recieve a set of golf clubs each year, as seen in the background.

And so now with our new-found knowledge of the true history of Christmas, I would like to wish you a merry Christmas on behalf of The Gentleman. Don’t forget to keep our saviour (you may choose between Hercules and JFK) in your thoughts.

Gene Kelly is well known for his singing, dancing and acting abilities. A lesser-known fact about him is that he invented tinsel.

And so concludes The Gentleman’s week of Christmas!

Until next time,

HL Griffith

Advertisements