The gentleman at Christmas

Hello there,

As you are well aware I’m sure, Christmas is upon us like a lion upon a gazelle that I plan on shooting and making into a rug.  Due to this fact, the whole week we shall be posting Christmas themed posts.  I shall start the week off with a general overview of Christmas and the long relationship it has had with gentlemen.

Here Humphrey Bogart has given Lauren Bacall a servant child for Christmas. They are standing in front of some sort of Christmas themed plant.

Christmas is a wondrous time when the gentleman may get to treat himself to a little more Scotch than usual (to give him that extra hit of Christmas cheer).  Also a lot of meat tends to be consumed, which is always a good thing.

A great gentlemanly pastime at Christmas is to play the piano whilst people stand on ladders behind you. It's an old tradition whose origins stem from the nativity.

Christmas started over two thousand years ago when the son of God was born.  Hercules was born in a humble pig stye and was then placed in a manger, or troff.  Soon thereafter he was visited by a number of wise men (If you think there were three of them you should stop getting your Bible facts from Frosty the Snowman) who gave him some very inappropriate children’s toys (not very wise if you ask me).

Here we see Michael Caine reenacting the birth of Christ with the help of puppets. As you can tell, the Pig who represents Mary Christ has given birth to a turkey representing Thor Christ whom they will all consume as a sort of communion style banquet.

Because of this giving of gifts, we now give each other presents under the facade that a fat Kenny Rodgers look-a-like breaks into our houses via the easily accessibly chimney and puts them under a tree that for some reason is indoors.

Santa may have a stressful job being an imaginary person who delivers millions of presents in a ridiculous ski outfit, but he gets through the day with the relaxing flavours of Lucky Strike.

But apart from all the inexplicably random series of events, Christmas is good for a few things.  If you live in the Northern hemisphere then Christmas is the ideal time to stand next to a fireplace, smoke and have a hearty drink.

Bing Crosby was responsible for 50% of all Christmas songs ever recorded. However you can't stay mad at him for that, just look at his face.

If you live in the Southern hemisphere, Christmas means you can sun yourself whilst sipping a martini by the pool as you cook your steak to perfection (rare) on a primitive outdoor stove (or barbeque, derived from the word barbarian).

Sean Connery getting into the Christmas spirit.

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley