Gentlemen and tea

Gentlemen and tea have a long and rich history together. Ever since the gentleman built Sri Lanka as an island to harvest the finest tea leaves, the gentleman has not looked back. And nor should he, a properly infused cup of tea is a delight only rivaled by a tightly packed Cuban cigar or traversing the globe in a time equal to or less than 80 days.

Some gentleman like tea so much they changed their names to it. Not Mr. T though, he’s called Mr. T because his real name is Laurence Tureaud.

Of course, the Queen of England does not mind a spot of tea, and she’s the complete wrong gender to be a gentleman! This is because tea was invented (by the gentleman) to be shared with others. What joy would there be in a cup of tea if you couldn’t impress your special lady with your knowledge of optimal infusion temperature and proper tea etiquette?

The Queen of England was taught all she knew about proper tea etiquette by yours truly. And that’s not all I taught her, if you know what I mean.

Gentlemen, of course, are a bullion of knowledge about proper tea etiquette. This makes them, quite literally, worth their weight in gold. (The average 80kg gentleman at the current gold price – A$1396.10 per ounce – would be worth about four million Australian dollars. A bargain in anyone’s language; especially English). Why not ask your local gentleman for more information?

King Cole Tea: An oolong ménage à trois for this gentleman.

Now, I can hear you saying “wouldn’t a gentleman prefer a dram of his favourite Scotch to a cup of tea?” This is indeed often the case. And which is why the gentleman will often ‘Irish up’ his tea. This is a rare case when the gentleman does not discern between a delicious single malt Scotch whisky and an Irish whiskey (for it would be a shame to waste a Scotch by diluting it with tea). A generous dash (a 200ml+ ‘dash’ of liquor is known as the “gentleman’s dash”) of most hard liquors will not only do wonders for a cup of tea, but get you ready to seize the day.

Marlon Brando would sometimes add a dash of tea to his morning cup of Irish whiskey.

And so with that, enjoy your tea. Enjoy it loose-leaf, bagged, boiled, iced or with a gentleman’s dash of whisky . But never leave your teaspoon in the cup while drinking.

One of the gentleman’s finest inventions: Sri Lanka.

Go forth and enjoy.

HL Griffith