The gentleman’s umbrella

Hello there,

I woke up this morning (a habit that I picked up in the far East) and was met by another rainy day.  However the rain is no match for the adequately prepared gentleman, for every gentlaman has his trusty umbrella to protect him.

A gentleman uses his umbrella to defeat the rain

There are many sorts of umbrella that one can buy but for a gentleman the choice is not so big.  A gentleman’s umbrella should be either black, grey or dark blue.  A wooden handle is a must and should preferably have a crook handle.  A gentleman’s umbrella does not comapct in size, it should be the size of a walking stick once collapsed.

The gentleman's umbrella

Now I know what you’re saying.  You don’t like having to carry around an umbrella all day.  Well that’s okay because you can use your full size umbrella as a walking stick when it’s not raining.  Problem solved.

A gentleman uses his umbrella for balance after a few too many Scotches.

Also there is a common misconseption that the umbrella is only used when it rains.  This is wrong.  The umbrella is a vital part of a gentleman’s wet weather utilities.  The umbrella can be used not only as a walking stick but also as an object to duel with when swords arent’ available.

Two gentleman duel using their trusty umbrellas. Luckily it wasn't raining at the time.

Umbrellas can also increase your reach by up to a metre.  No longer will you have to stretch to push the traffic light button or discipline that annoying school student on the train.  Did you know that the umbrella has also been used to defeat Nazis?  Well it has.

Henry Jones defeating Nazis using only his umbrella.

Sometimes the umbrella is so functional people can use it for about anything.  But as it has been raining a lot recently you might as well just use it to keep you dry, the gentlemanly way.

The Beatles substitute their instruments for umbrellas during their 'umbrella phase'. What can't an umbrella do?

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley

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