From The Gentleman’s Vault VII

Hello there,

It’s once again time to put on your dust gloves and carefully extract some of The Gentleman’s well-aged posts from their hermetically sealed storage facility located at a secret location deep within the earth’s crust.  So let us begin.

The Double Breasted Suit

Since the weather seems to have taken a turn, it’s probably a good thing to brush up on your winter wardrobe, and a gentleman’s winter wardrobe wouldn’t be complete without a double breasted suit.  Why you ask? Why not read it for yourself.

Jaws forces Roger Moore to watch him as he devours a piece of wood as a show of the power of his double breasted suit.

“Don’t think that the double breasted jacket is only for fat men, 80′s stockbrokers or David Letterman.  The double breasted suit, like any suit, can maketh the gentleman if it is fitted correctly and worn with finesse and a humble elegance that are prerequisites for the gentleman’s inventory.”

 

 

Well that post made for good reading if I do say so myself, and I do.  Next we stroll down memory lane to a post about something else with memory, that of the humble computer.

The Gentleman’s Computer

If you have not been reading the broadsheets lately then you may have missed the hype surrounding the invention of the computer, but basically the computer is, well…it’s a… why not read this post.

Michael Caine spent many hours at state-of-the-art computers such as this to earn the right to wear those thick-rimmed glasses. He is also demonstrating the age-old alliance between computer and clip-board.

“The history of the computer as we know it today is debated by “historians”. But take it from me, the gentleman invented early forms of the computer in the 1940s to bust Nazis. These computers had various functions, including breaking Nazi codes, creating databases of Nazi war criminals, and had access to the broadband internet so they could read The Gentleman Blog.”

 

 

Well I better get down to my local NASA technician to pick up the latest computer, but before I do that I have to surround myself with beautiful women.  Why you ask? Firstly I wish you would stop asking that and secondly the answer is becoming quite clear, just read the article.

In The Company Of Women

There are benefits of surrounding yourself with the fairer sex, and not just because they are more attractive than gentlemen.  It’s also because they make excellent company.  Don’t believe me?  Then you better sort your prejudices out and read this article.

Roger Moore new the benefits of associating with women instead of the common man. Just look at his surprised delight.

“There are many activities a gentleman with a large company of women can do.  For example there is doubles tennis, water polo, regular polo, and also non-sporting gentlemanly pastimes like drinking.  If you don’t think that women can drink, think again.  Although women may not like a neat Scotch they have adapted alcohol into a veritable smorgasbord of cocktails.”

 

 

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley

From The Gentleman’s Vault VI

Hello,

It’s that time of the lunar cycle again when The Gentleman delves into its deep backlog of articles to find three that are particularly poignant to the current world situation. We suggest you read each one with fervour. Otherwise Brixley and I will be forced to challenge you to a duel. Except it will be you against both of us, making it a tri-ul. Should you lose, you will be branded (literally) a Gentleman Impostor.

Learn some of the tell tale signs of a gentleman impostor here

It has been determined, using state of the art technology too complex to explain here, that Sinatra never once swore.

“A faux gentleman may avoid the first, most obvious indicators that he does not have what it takes, but after a scotch or two, the true gentleman remains composed. The faux gentleman will invariably let some less than acceptable language escape and will probably start talking about football or a girl he “boned”. Very ungentlemanly indeed.”

 

 

 

 

Having passed your first test of successfully reading and learning about the gentleman imposter, you should now reward yourself with a cup of tea.

Tea is a wonderful drink, and it can be enjoyed on any occasion. I personally like bringing a thermos to the local cricket games. This has become even more important now that you’re not allowed to bring glass bottles in (especially ones filled with Scotch). So I suggest that you read up on the history of tea and tea etiquette here.

Marlon Brando would sometimes add a dash of tea to his morning cup of Irish whiskey.

“Gentlemen, of course, are a bullion of knowledge about proper tea etiquette. This makes them, quite literally, worth their weight in gold. (The average 80kg gentleman at the current gold price – A$1396.10 per ounce – would be worth about four million Australian dollars. A bargain in anyone’s language; especially English). Why not ask your local gentleman for more information?”

 

 

 

 

Now that you have enjoyed a cup or two of tea, I can only assume that you are now quite drunk. If not, you’re not adding enough whiskey/whisky to your tea. Please pour yourself another glass and try again.

This brings us to a very important point. Remember that time you were at the Reform Club enjoying a drink and a game of whist when you saw that other gentleman getting a little loud in the corner? Well that was because he’d had too much to drink (or someone had turned  his hearing aid down, the bastards). So remember, when you’re enjoying a scotch or a martini, always keep your composure. Read how here.

Sean Connery counting the number of drinks he's had while he pours another.

“I have been known to enjoy an alcoholic beverage or 2 (or a multiple of 2) but a gentleman must always keep his composure.  Knowing ones limits is the gentleman’s game and when he has surpassed those limits he will excuse himself and head home.  It’s that simple.”

 

 

 

 

 

Until next time,

HL Griffith

From The Gentleman’s Vault V

Hello all,

It’s Wednesday today, which is known in many gentlemen circles as ‘ Vault-day’. This name has long and complex derivatives which I shan’t go into here. But rest assured, here at The Gentleman we interpret that name as a good excuse to take you to previously uncharted territory in The Gentleman’s vault. So why wait? Grab your umbrella, put on your brogues, fasten your waistcoat, wax your mustache, wind your watch, light a cigar, pour yourself a scotch, invite your lady friend along and join us as we delve into the strange and exciting depths.

Not sure what use the element of fire is beyond lighting your cigar or pipe? Foolishness! I condemn you to reading this article for such folly. (It’s actually quite a spanking read, so it’s not much of a punishment.)

The Gentleman and his fire

This gentleman is teaching his lady how to tame fire. Also, he’s not overcompensating for anything.

Are you sick of waiting for the train or streetcar? So are we at The Gentleman. That’s why we commissioned this insightful article into the a gentleman’s favourite form of manual transportation – the bicycle.

The Gentleman’s bicycle

A gentleman taking his favourite lady for a ride to the ‘fake scenery’ shoppe.

And now that you can use the most powerful of elements to its fullest potential and know how to ride around town properly, the only thing to do is to use this knowledge to impress your gentlelady.

The gentleman’s gentlelady

Sean Connery shows the height of tenderness towards a lady by drying her hair.

Until next time,

HL Griffith

From The Gentleman’s Vault IV

Hello there,

It’s that time of the week again when Griffith and I use our dual keys to open the most heavily guarded vault since Ocean’s 11 (the Sinatra one of course), that being The Gentleman’s Vault.  Now you might think it easy for anyone to look at the vault simply by clicking on the ‘archive’ tab at the top of the page.  This is true, but then again if you had seen the original Ocean’s 11 you’ll know it was pretty easy for them too.  But I digress.

Here is a post about the honour that all gentleman must posses and defend until the bitter end.  Don’t know how to defend your honour?  Need to know what sort of dueling technique you should employ to vanquish your foe? Read on.

The Gentleman’s Honour

Two men prepare to fight. Notice the x-ray goggles they wear to see their opponents vital organs.

Next we come to a smashing post about which occupations that are fit for a gentleman.  Does your current employment meet the lofty standards of a gentleman?  Does ‘man-about-town’ classify as a job? Click below for the answers to your wildest dreams.

Gentlemanly Occupations

Since 1945 the need for World War 2 fighter pilots has dried up.

Finally, you must ask yourself ‘what am I going to have for breakfast tomorrow?’  If you cannot answer this correctly or answered that you are ‘not sure’ then this post is one hundred percent vital to you being satiated tomorrow morning.

Breakfast Of Gentlemen

Frank Sinatra's breakfast on the go.

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley

From The Gentleman’s Vault III

Today is The Gentleman’s day of rest, otherwise referred to as Wednesday. And what better way to spend our day off than to invite you into the mysterious and closely guarded Gentleman’s Vault. We have selected three of the finest pieces from the distant past for you to enjoy.

Here is a seminal article about a gentleman’s vocabulary. There is a fine line between one’s words being cliched and proper. Don’t want to overstep the line? Then read forth.

Gentlemanly vocabulary

Reagan knew the value of a spondulick.

Next, let us continue down memory lane to an article that dispels a myth about healthy living. Read on especially if you’re a little on the side of 2000′s Shatner rather than 1950s Shatner.

Gentleman don’t diet

Captain Kirk may have had a little around the middle but he could still kick any alien's arse six ways to Sunday.

And finally, let us revisit a similarly themed piece. While you’re busy not dieting, find some time to read this enlightening article about the subtleties of dining like a true gentleman.

The dining gentleman

A big part of dining like a gentleman includes sitting on your chair at an angle, or getting someone to stand behind you while you are seated (or, conversely standing behind someone else sitting down).

Until next time,

HL Griffith

From The Gentleman’s Vault II

Hello there,

Come with The Gentleman as we delve into the deepest parts of our expansive vault of previous material.  Or conversely, feel free to peruse some possibly forgotten posts from previous months.  Enjoy.

Here is a good post about how a gentleman should shave.  No, I’m not talking about his chest or legs, I’m talking about the only part of a gentleman’s body that requires a shave, his strong jaw line.

Shaving: The Gentleman Way

Van-Gogh wasn't a philistine but he was a drunk. Don't drink and shave.

Or why not see if you have the five essential items that a gentleman should have in his study.  If you don’t have all five, it’s okay, you still have time before the shops close.

5 Items a Gentleman Should Have

One of the great gentlemanly activities is rearranging your humidor.

On the other hand you may want to just stay at home.  In that case, then this post is just what you were looking for.  Ever wondered how to wallow in comfort at home yet still look like a gentleman?  The answers lie within.

The Gentleman At Home

Here we see the the winter gentleman compared with the carefree, poolside summer gentleman.

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley

 

From The Gentleman’s Vault

Hello there,

Since it’s Wednesday, we here at The Gentleman like to unwind by reliving old posts over a healthy Scotch, herbaceous cigar and a vintage jazz record composed by anyone except Kenny G (AKA The Antichrist).

So let us take a stroll down memory lane in our hand-made leather brogues.

Firstly, one of The Gentleman’s first posts (before construction was completed by people with thick lensed glasses) in which I told people to have a smoke.   So why not light up a cigar and have a read?

Click here: Have a Smoke

Winston Churchill having a relaxing break from Nazi defeating.

Secondly, H.L. Griffith let the modern day gentleman know the best possible way to get around in a gentlemanly manner.  I could list them here but since you’ve got a cigar in your hand you should peruse this informative guide for yourself.

Click here: Getting Around

If your acquaintances at the Reform Club set you a challenge, don’t hesitate to enjoy a dram during the undertaking.

Finally a post to help all you budding golfers carry your clubs around the course.  If you want to know how to get a cheap caddy or know about the qualifications a caddy must have, then read on.

Click for: The Gentleman’s Caddy

Here we see the caddy giving his advice on a club. It is also important for caddys to be able to kill people with their headwear.

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley