The gentleman and the paranormal.

Hello there,

The other day a fellow colleague and gentleman asked me if I believe in ghosts, I told him that it didn’t matter if I believed in them or not, they still exist.  Or do they?  Yes and no.  Yes they exist, but no they don’t.  It’s one of life’s great mysteries, like the loch ness monster or William Shatner’s hair.

The mystery continues.

However gentlemanly encounters with the paranormal date as far back as when Shakespeare wrote Hamlet with a ghostwriter or Isaac Newton’s ghost Gravity would throw apples at him.

Michael Caine is haunted by the ghosts of Statler and Waldorf. They cracked wise at him all night long.

The paranormal isn’t just reserved for ghosts, there are also supernatural powers like foresight and telepathy.  A note of caution however for gentlemen to never get themselves involved with the occult.  This should be left to late night television scams.

Sean Connery tried to see his future. Luckily for Sean, he predicted he was about to be stabbed because he used his crystal ball too much.

Indeed, it isn’t just gentlemen having encounters with spooks from beyond this spiritual realm.  In some cases it has been the gentlemen themselves who have crossed over!

The ghost of Cary Grant and his date tell Mark Hamill (out of shot) to go to the Dagobah system to learn how to be a true gentleman. Luckily for Cary Grant he was soon reincarnated as himself.

There can be many problems attributed to paranormal activity, especially if you are haunted by a gentlemanly ghost.  One might find his cigars missing and Scotch gone.  Not only is theft a problem but now you have a drunk ghost on your hands.  This has happened once or twice at Castle Brixley but it usually turns out to be Humphrey Bogart dropping by.  However if you do have problems there is only one person to telephone.

The good scientists at Ghostbusters will restore your humidor to it's original capacity. They are ready to believe you.

Not everybody believes in ghosts though.  Many a learned gentleman may have come to the logical conclusion that ghosts simply don’t exist.

Sherlock Holmes always let the facts speak for themselves. Here he examines this gentleman's nose and concludes that it is in fact, not a ghost.

There is another theory that states ghosts are not dead people coming back to smoke our cigars, but images from parallel universes crossing over into ours.  This of course is preposterous, or is it?

William Shatner heckles the bridge of the Enterprise from a parallel universe where people dress as robots.

Luckily for us there is one definitive way to work out whether ghosts and other paranormal activity are real or not, and that is to ask Clint Eastwood.

Clint Eastwood does not believe in ghosts.

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley

Gentlemen in the future

Hello there,

The future is an undiscovered country much like Shakespeare’s concept of ‘death’, however unlike Shakespeare’s concept of ‘death’ it contains many more blinking lights and primary coloured uniforms.  So let’s dismiss that soothsayer, put away the tarot cards and jump into our gentlemanly time machine to have a look at what the future has in store for us.

Rod Taylor prepares for time travel by playing one last game on the slot machine.

The gentlemanly future is much like the early 1960s except for the fact that women and non-white people will have a place in it.  This Utopia, made with sturdy cardboard and LED lights will be a beacon of hope for the Galaxy.

Not only do they wear primary coloured uniforms in the future, you can be sure that there are people of every race and sex on every starship. They even had extra-terrestrials onboard, such as Spock or Kirk's hair.

Now of course the future isn’t going to be all spaceships and aliens with pointed ears.  Like much of our history there will be ups and downs in the future too.  Our automated door Utopia will eventually fail after monkey’s seize the opportunity to overthrow the birds and take control of earth.

The future takes a turn for the worst when Charlton Heston has to opt for rags rather than wear orange leather. Needless to say the monkeys' fashion was their ultimate downfall.

But no matter how many post apocalyptic, monkey dominated phases our world has to go through, we gentleman will always find a way to rebuild civilisation and create robots that will one day revolt and destroy us all.

Tom Baker foolishly wore fur while he gets an awkward massage from this soon-to-be hostile animals rights robot.

The machine uprising will last a long time but we gentlemen shouldn’t fret.  As long as you can get the daily broadsheet, enough tobacco for your pipe and enough scotch for your glass we can just wait it out until the robots become neurotic and unstable.

Not so threatening now. The robots will eventually give the world back and pursue lengthy movie careers.

After the decline of the robots society will have to go through the motions again. Of course this means re-building society from the ground up, starting with agriculture, primarily of the tobacco and barley plants.

Plato II with his student, Aristotle II rebuilding the new world with the carefree attitude that come with the toga.

Our expansive computers here at The Gentlemen have computed that soon after the rebirth of civilisation there will come the expansive computers that we utilise today.

Harrison Ford presses a button on his invisible futuristic computer. Note his hairstyle, the future is indeed a strange place.

Therefore there is no need for concern when it comes to the future.  Gentlemen will always come out on top when up against robots, aliens or Woody Allen.  And no matter how many apocalypses we have to go through, we gentleman will take charge of rebuilding society, culture and distilleries the world over.

Jack Lemon predicted the future when he invested in these car doors, everyone will have them one day.

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley