The Gentleman’s Australia Day

Hello there,

As Brixley and I spend our holidays in the antipodes this season, we have grown to know the Australian way of life over the past months. Australia lends itself to some of the finest gentlemanly ways. But, alas, it also falls in many alarming ways. Australia Day – Australia’s national day – shows both. Brixley and I endeavour here to right the wrongs which have been long on display.

Father of Federation, Sir Henry Parkes gets into the Australia Day spirit.

Australia Day lends itself to a healthy amount of beer consumption. This means that Australia gentlemen will put down their glasses of Scotch (for a day) and pick up their glasses of beer. The avid Australian gentleman will keep their glass of Scotch in their hand while picking up their glass of beer.

Former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke puts down his pint of Scotch and picks up his pint of beer.

Australia Day is also a celebration of the national sports of Australia. Many Australian gentleman will partake in a game of cricket or a hit of tennis.

Don Bradman on his way to the crease in his customary three-piece. He scored 299 the day this was taken. He also played cricket.

Donald Bradman, of course, was undeniably Australia’s finest sportsman. But cricket is only one of Australia’s Summer sports.

This live-action picture of Rod Laver was taken by his opponent at the time - a camera man.

Tennis and Cricket, though, are not the only sports a coordinated Australian gentleman may partake in, though.

Rod Laver insisted on holding his tennis racquet during ballet lessons.

For those not inclined to enjoy a day of sport, the beach is a customary spot for an Australian gentleman to spend his day.

Bob Hawke displays the quintessential Australian "budgie-smuggler" and pot-belly double.

And don’t forget that however you spend your Australia Day, make sure you have plenty of gentlemanly spirit, grace and enthusiasm.

Donald Bradman's most enthusiastic supporter (pictured right) cheers him onto the ground.

And it would be remiss of us to neglect to mention the antithesis of gentlemanly behaviour that unfortunately rears its ugly head each Australia Day. It is the most ungentlemanly to:

a) Bear a Southern Cross tattoo.

f) Deriding any of the non-white citizens or visitors to this country.

b) Have a Southern Cross tattoo (even if concealed).

c) Consider getting a Southern Cross tattoo.

d) Seeing someone else with a Southern Cross tattoo and thinking anything but “what a horrendous man”.

e) Wearing the Australian flag as a garment

The most ungentlemanly man in Australia.

Until next time,

HL Griffith

The Gentleman’s Party

Hello there,

I have recently re-emerged from Griffith Manor after a raucous new year celebration. The festivities over the past month have been full-blown, and it led me to consider the importance of a party or soiree in the gentleman’s social calendar. The parties a gentleman throws and attends are the crux of his social life. So here are some rules which should guide you through  the intricacies of the gentleman’s party.

Bring a date

Almost every engagement you will ever be invited to will encourage you bring a “plus-one”. Do not get this confused with your plus-fours (unless the party is held on a golf course, in which case you should bring both).

Sean Connery requested his date be photo-shopped out of this photo so there would be no distraction from his double-breasted jacket.

So bring along your wife or girlfriend, or if you are not currently spoken for, find a worthy gentle-lady and invite her along.

Bring a bottle of Scotch

Even if you are driving or have an early engagement the next day, you will be the most popular gentleman on the premises if you supply a smokey malt. And if you get seated next to a boring or offensive guest, you can polish it off yourself.

Winston Churchill gets stuck next to someone's poorly-chosen plus-one.

Have an anecdote and a party game

A well-told anecdote is the perfect icebreaker and can win you many friends. Likewise, suggesting a party game that everyone can play will make the party more fun and memorable.

Sean Connery's gaze slips downwards as he loses this round of table-less arm-wrestling.

The party game was, of course, invented by George Party Jnr. in 1789 when he inaugurated ‘unwrap the package’ – an X-rated game similar to modern day ‘musical chairs’. Which brings us to our next point.

Don’t shy away from romance

The party is an ideal time for the single gentlemen among us to become amorous. And it is the responsibility of the taken gentlemen to assist the unspoken for.

Sinatra kindly occupies a friend of the lady Sammy Davis Jnr is trying to seduce.

They will be thankful…

"You did good, Frank".

But when it comes to love, always be discrete.

An entire film crew of paparazzi intrude upon one of Cary Grant's private moments.

Make a speech

Even if it seems as though the host is not going to make a speech, every good party has an eloquent gentleman (this should be you) thanking the host, the guests and the (hopefully) ample Scotch supply.

The host of this party, John F. Kennedy, makes a speech thanking everyone for coming and explains what happened to all the men's invitations - he didn't send them.

And so with that, you should have the basics of party-going and party-hosting.

Humphrey Bogart knew how to get into the party spirit.

Until next time,

HL Griffith

The gentleman’s New Year’s resolutions 2012

Hello there,

Once again the earth has made a full rotation around the sun without being destroyed by comets, aliens or Matthew McConaughey.  As such, we here at The Gentleman would like to congratulate all our readers for making it into this New Year and not getting sucked through a wormhole style vortex into the past.

To get you back into the gentlemanly mood after the indiscretions of your recent celebrations we thought we would share our gentleman’s resolutions with you to inspire you, tempt you and to take your mind off the fact that Matthew McConaughey was not sucked through a wormhole style vortex into the past.

Your typical new year's eve celebrations.

1. Learn to act like William Shatner.  As a gentleman you should constantly be trying to add new strings to your bow, however when you’re not fixing your violin try as many new things as possible, like honing your acting skills to the level of William Shatner.

William Shatner demonstrates the emotion 'Spanish displeasure' flawlessly in his spare time.

2. Sojourn to the beach.  If your 2011 was anything like ours here at The Gentleman then you need to recharge your gentlemanly batteries from all those martini soirees and international cigar conferences by heading to a beach somewhere for some martinis and cigars.

Sean Connery takes some time off his busy schedule of filming on location in the Bahamas to go on holiday to the Bahamas.

3. Wear more tweed.  Why not?

Cary Grant wasn't the most fashionable man of all time because he didn't wear tweed. In fact it was the exact opposite.

4. Punch a Nazi.  The arch nemesis of us gentleman needs to be dealt with and what better way to do so than to knock one of them unconscious with an old one-two to the cranium.

Although it's not necessary, try punching them whilst on the back of a tank for added flair. Harrison Ford demonstrates above.

5. Get back on your bike.  You don’t want to run the mileage in your Aston Martin DB5 too high, so why not substitute your shorter trips with some fresh air on your bicycle?

Humphrey Bogart shows how to ride a bicycle with the nonchalance of a true gentleman.

6. Say yes to things.  If you want to get the most out of life, say yes to things that you usually wouldn’t.  If William Shatner hadn’t said yes to recording a spoken word album we would never have gotten his rendition of Rocket Man and that is a world I wouldn’t want to live in.

Try to emulate the positive attitude of Sean Connery.

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley