Time for another smoke

Hello there,

I must apologise for the recent interruption to my publications for The Gentleman but I was called away on urgent business.  You see I am also the chief physician to HRH the Grand Duke of Luxembourg.  Not to worry though, he just wanted me to accompany him on an adventure into the depths of the Amazon basin, but that is a story for another time.

I'll give you a hint. It involves this man, Colonel Percy Harrison Fawcett. Notice his steely determination and also his 'stealy hat of determination'.

What I have realised is that has been quite a long time since we here at The Gentleman have discussed the finer points of smoking.  This needs to be rectified, and rectified it shall be.  Right now in fact.

Notice the delicate yet robust smouldering in this picture. Also Grant is holding a cigarette.

Tobacco was invented by the Native Americans and fire was invented by Prometheus.  After the dawn of the gentleman (445BC {Before Connery}) it wasn’t long until these two elements were forged together to make the common cigar.

Frank Sinatra gives thanks to the Native Americans and Prometheus as he lights up this cigarette.

A big part of smoking besides the delicious flavours, the delicate aromas and the obvious health benefits is the facial expression.  A gentleman is never one to grimace when smoking, as some gentleman impostors may frequently do.

Clint Eastwood never grimaces when he had a cigar in his mouth. In fact Clint Eastwood was unable to change his expression from the one shown due to a dual related injury.

This is because a gentleman does not smoke for the look, and will therefore be too busy savoring the flavour of the tobacco whilst giving a thousand-yard stare to worry about what he looks like (however since he is a gentleman he will look immaculate anyway but that is beside the point).

Michael Caine enjoys his tobacco to the fullest in this playful photo shoot. Caine used to send these pictures to Eastwood as a practical joke. Eastwood never saw the funny side, but how could he, he can't laugh.

Due to a gentleman’s physical condition smoking is perfectly fine and you could even live to the ripe old ago of Humphrey Bogart, who is working his way towards the record for being the oldest person alive.

A picture of Bogart taken only last week. Sure he looks a little worse for wear but the man is 111 years old.

Even though there have been lots of “medical” studies condemning the use of tobacco due to overwhelming amount of “facts” I still have confidence that gentlemen will still keep the art of tobacco smoking alive be it pipe, cigarette or the king of tobacco, the humble cigar.  If you want proof of that well…

Here it is. Proof that gentlemen will be smoking long into the future.

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley

The Leading Gentleman

Good day,

I write to you all today after a brief, enforced hiatus. This hiatus came while I documented the micro-evolution of the wild Angolan yak for an upcoming release of my zoological and botanical memoirs entitled Griffith’s Complete Lexicon of African Flora and Fauna: Revisited. I requested a typewriter from the embassy during my travels, which they provided, but unfortunately my secretary came down with a bout of abasia and hence my manuscripts were never published. They will be able to be found in future when The Gentleman Blog: The Lost Pages is released. So instead of revisiting old topics, today I will bring you some musings upon the leading man.

With four leading men all in one shot, there was always going to be tension. Here Sammy Davis Jnr exerts his dominance by winning a 'pretending to be punched' contest.

The leading man, in films, is a gentleman who plays the love interest of a leading gentlelady. He often displays heroism, charm, integrity and his old war medallions.

Sidney Potier had all these things and more: a telephone.

The role of a leading man is tailor made for the Hollywood gentleman.

James Mason was known for two things. Being a leading gentleman, reading thick manuscripts and wearing tweed. Here he does all five.

The first important trait of a leading gentleman to note is the gentleman’s natural kevorka.

Spencer Tracey is a little quizzical as Katharine Hepburn throws herself at him.

The leading gentleman also has a sharp sense of dress.

Paul Newman would tailor his own suits. Making a suit is a lot like making a salad dressing.

Some may think of the leading gentleman as boisterous and chauvinistic.  This is completely incorrect. I suggest you stop reading Germaine Greer books and instead pick yourself up a copy of Griffith’s Complete Guide to Mathematics: From e to π. It makes for much better reading. In reality, the leading gentleman is tender, helpful and respectful of the fairer sex.

David Niven teaches this gentlelady how to play table tennis. And she needs the lesson; she doesn't even know which side of the table to be on.

The leading gentleman also takes matters into his own hands when necessary, especially when it involves confrontation.

This punk got lucky, as Clint forgot his gun on his way to this confrontation.

Not to mention that the leading gentleman smokes and bathes regularly. Often simultaneously.

Clint Eastwood sure knew a thing or two about the finer things in life.

This is not to say that being a leading gentleman is restricted to the silver screen (or screens of any material, for that matter). You should be a charming, well-dressed, clean gentleman at all times. And if talkies are anything to go by, it only takes 90-100 minutes for this to result in winning the affection of the supporting gentlelady.

Joseph Cotten uses all his leading man skills to seduce the operator.

Until next time,

H.L. Griffith

The gentleman and the beard

Hello there,

It has come to my attention that there is a misconception that gentlemen do not have beards.  This rumour has been started by certain parties and I must say that it is wrong.  There is more to facial hair than the moustache and it is called the beard.  Beards have been worn by men since the cavemen and the the modern beard was brought about by Socrates who cultivated his beard with the first pair of scissors ever invented.

Socrates didn't just sport the very first modern beard, he also dated Medusa for a short period of time. Very short.

There seems to be a certain stigma attached to the hirsute gentleman (other than his beard) and we here at The Gentleman would like to change this.

Harrison Ford found out the hard way that people didn't like beards. Luckily he escaped his incarceration and made friends with Tommy Lee Jones (who soon-after grew a beard).

Over the centuries the beard has gone in and out of gentlemanly style but it seems that now it has become associated with a dirty, unkempt look that is below a gentleman.  However a well kept beard can do the exact opposite, just like a clean pair of spats can get you into the White House.

Sean Connery gives Michael Caine the evil eye after Caine shaved off the chin of Connery's beard. Caine had beard envy.

A well groomed beard can not only display your virility to the fairer sex, it can also be used to duel with other, less-bearded men over matters of honour.  Unfortunately with a great beard comes great responsibility.  Many gentlemen will have beard envy and will try anything to get rid of it.  On the flip side of the coin you might find your significant other trying to de-beard you after a severe case of beard rash.

Enest Hemingway and Fidel Castro about to have a beard dual. Hemingway won to tie the series.

Unfortunately these are the follies associated with the beard and have since seen the decline of a once majestic gentlemanly facial hair.

Michael Caine grew a beard after he saw Sean Connery's. Here a spy of Connery's prepares to exact revenge on Caine in his library.

The main thing to remember about growing a gentlemanly beard is grooming.  Like all good gentlemen you should go to the barber daily to get a shave and have your hair fixed up before the barber slaps some tonic in it for strength.  A beard is no different and needs the same amount of attention that you would invest in improving your golf swing (ruffly 40 hours a week).

This is what happens if you forget to groom your beard. Beware!

So there you have it.

G.O. Brixley