Today is a momentous day in the history of The Gentleman Blog. No it’s not Talk Like William Shatner Day or some such; it is in fact the 100th anniversary of the birth of The Gentleman Blog (if you measure time in posts by The Gentleman Blog. I know we do. Obviously, in our gentleman units, 1 The Gentleman Blog post = 1 gentleman’s year). So to commemorate our Mahogany jubilee (a milestone only ever reached by The Gentleman), both Griffith and Brixley will be collaborating to take you through a typical day in the life here at The Gentleman.
A gentleman gets up at precisely 7:24am every morning. This is because 7:24am is the exact time that the morning broadsheet is delivered. After a quick perusal of global affairs, a gentleman will prepare himself for the day to come.
After our separate morning routines (Brixley at Castle Brixley and Griffith at Griffith Manor), we meet at Sean Connery’s residence. Sean is, as always, running behind schedule (due to the immense amount of body hair he must trim and his claim that he works on ‘Scottish time’).
The mid-morning round of golf
Following breakfast (which consisted of three fingers of Islay Malt and the best part of a smoked kipper), Sean inevitably suggests a round of golf. We were hesitant at first because he’d had a temper the past few days, but relented. Today was like any other, but we’ve learned to laugh.
After our tranquil round of golf we receive an invitation for morning tea at William Shatner’s beachfront acting academy. We take Brixley’s old Ford Model-T while Griffith gives directions and Sean straightens out his sand wedge in the back seat (see above).
Lunch with Bogart.
From here we leave Shatner and Connery to their devices whilst we touch base with our old friend Humphrey Bogart. He hasn’t been feeling well recently and so Brixley and Griffith take time out of their busy schedule to check up on him. He served us up some fricasseed wild boar followed by wild boar pudding.
We told him to take his dog for a walk as it seemed rather restless.
Digestifs by the pool
From Bogart’s we rendezvous with Cary Grant and Marilyn Monroe at the local pool to relax and enjoy a selection of single malt scotch followed by some single malt scotch.
From the pool we take the street car to 10 Downing Street London where we have been invited by Winston Churchill for some afternoon tea. Afternoon tea for Churchill consists of two Churchill sized cigars and an never-ending glass of scotch. This is precisely what the doctor ordered after our swim (in fact Churchill’s personal chef is a doctor and therefore this statement is to be taken literally).
We bid Churchill adieu and took the short steam-engine ride to New York where JFK and we were honourary speakers at a roast for Jimmy Stewart.
From New York we ferried to Las Vegas to catch a midnight Sinatra show at the Sands. Afterward throwing some craps with Sinatra we made a brief stop (via underground mafia tunnel) to his house for a nightcap.
After tucking Sinatra into bed Brixley and Griffith make their way via flying machine back to their respective abodes for some well earned rest, ready for another day of cross-continental engagements with dead celebrities.
So there you have it, until next time.
G.O. Brixley and H.L. Griffith