The Gentleman’s 100th article

Hello there,

Today is a momentous day in the history of The Gentleman Blog. No it’s not Talk Like William Shatner Day or some such; it is in fact the 100th anniversary of the birth of The Gentleman Blog (if you measure time in posts by The Gentleman Blog. I know we do. Obviously, in our gentleman units, 1 The Gentleman Blog post = 1 gentleman’s year). So to commemorate our Mahogany jubilee (a milestone only ever reached by The Gentleman), both Griffith and Brixley will be collaborating to take you through a typical day in the life here at The Gentleman.

Morning ablution

A gentleman gets up at precisely 7:24am every morning. This is because 7:24am is the exact time that the morning broadsheet is delivered. After a quick perusal of global affairs, a gentleman will prepare himself for the day to come.

After our separate morning routines (Brixley at Castle Brixley and Griffith at Griffith Manor), we meet at Sean Connery’s residence. Sean is, as always, running behind schedule (due to the immense amount of body hair he must trim and his claim that he works on ‘Scottish time’).

Sean Connery must let his chest hair dry before donning a starched white shirt. Notice his "half nelson" shaving technique.

The mid-morning round of golf

Following breakfast (which consisted of three fingers of Islay Malt and the best part of a smoked kipper), Sean inevitably suggests a round of golf. We were hesitant at first because he’d had a temper the past few days, but relented. Today was like any other, but we’ve learned to laugh.

Sean takes this triple bogey in his stride.

Morning Tea

After our tranquil round of golf we receive an invitation for morning tea at William Shatner’s beachfront acting academy.  We take Brixley’s old Ford Model-T while Griffith gives directions and Sean straightens out his sand wedge in the back seat (see above).

After morning tea Shanter performs his avante garde take on Hamlet. It goes for 37 seconds.

Lunch with Bogart.

From here we leave Shatner and Connery to their devices whilst we touch base with our old friend Humphrey Bogart.  He hasn’t been feeling well recently and so Brixley and Griffith take time out of their busy schedule to check up on him.  He served us up some fricasseed wild boar followed by wild boar pudding.

Bogart has so much time on his hands he can't decide which pastime to win more trophies in; boar hunting, tennis, golf, miniature yachting, archery, fishing, polo, smoking a pipe whilst gazing at self portraits or boar hunting.

We told him to take his dog for a walk as it seemed rather restless.

Digestifs by the pool

From Bogart’s we rendezvous with Cary Grant and Marilyn Monroe at the local pool to relax and enjoy a selection of single malt scotch followed by some single malt scotch.

Grant can't believe how pale Monroe is. Although due to Cary Grant's jet-setting he has spent 237 hours in direct sunlight during the last two days.

Afternoon tea

From the pool we take the street car to 10 Downing Street London where we have been invited by Winston Churchill for some afternoon tea.  Afternoon tea for Churchill consists of two Churchill sized cigars and an never-ending glass of scotch.  This is precisely what the doctor ordered after our swim (in fact Churchill’s personal chef is a doctor and therefore this statement is to be taken literally).

During our mid-afternoon stroll, Churchill receives an important call on his iPhone from F.D. Roosevelt (Roosevelt believed Churchill to have cheated at Words with Friends)

Dinner

We bid Churchill adieu and took the short steam-engine ride to New York where JFK and we were honourary speakers at a roast for Jimmy Stewart.

Here we see JFK telling a particularly risque tale about Stewart during the filming of Rear Window. Little did JFK know that Stewart would be roasting him not 3 months later. Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones (this is particularly applicable to JFK since his house was indeed made entirely of glass).

After Dinner

From New York we ferried to Las Vegas to catch a midnight Sinatra show at the Sands.  Afterward throwing some craps with Sinatra we made a brief stop (via underground mafia tunnel) to his house for a nightcap.

Sinatra not only knew how to throw craps, he could also scoop up the four of diamonds with a long shovel whilst interrupting this poker tournament.

After tucking Sinatra into bed Brixley and Griffith make their way via flying machine back to their respective abodes for some well earned rest, ready for another day of cross-continental engagements with dead celebrities.

So there you have it, until next time.

G.O. Brixley and H.L. Griffith

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